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Sunday, May 14, 2006


Smacked Twice, Coded Twice, And Exorcised Twice

THE EMPRESS GOT SMACKED

YoU probably have heard of I Talk Too Much, a collection of blog reviews. A month ago, I subMitted RLOEM for review and this Saturday morning, the critiQue for my site was published.


I know, I know I'm aware that the reviews were mostly on the negative side, that the reviewers would always look for the most vile and awful in one's blog and understating the positive. That some of the blog owners who received negative smacks either ended up raging in anger, threathening to sue the reviewers.

Does that make me stupid to throw my precious blog into a lion's den? I don't think so.

Does that make me too confident that I would get the highest rating of five smacks? NeIther.

I submitted my blog for three reasons: to increase readership, to see what to improve in my site, and to make a review of my own review.

So without further ado, here's the IT2M Review of The Random Lives Of Empress Maruja according to Merciless Minx:



Now, what's my review of the reviEw?

I'm Honestly puzzled as to why Filipino blogs have only been noticed this recent. Perhaps, since some of the Filipino bloggers who were reviewed live in foreign countries, the reviewers probably generalize them as Asian.

I like the fact that the strengths I'm expecting to get noticed in the review were prominently noted. However, I'm sad by the fact that the reviewer forgot to try my Maruja Radio.

I give the review TWO FINGER BANGS for being patient (and tolerant) enough to read through my posts.

I don't mind about the comments from those other readers. Kerr ko? Why should I kerr? They're not my target reaDers anywaY.

Reading through the review, what changes must this blog undergo?

Nothing much. For one, you can tell by now that I am using regular font size instead of embolDening it.

As for the template, a frieNd of mine offered his template-building skills to me and I only accepted his offer two days before the review was published. Since I have no idea what he would do, I guess we have to hold each other's hands In suspense.

***************

THE "BADING SI..." CODE

Comedian Joey De Leon wrote in his newspaper column about a checKlist/ blind item as to how to detEct if a male celebrity is a gay guy in hiding. He calls it "The Bading Si..." Code.

According to him, here Are the tell-tale signs:
* He has no Known girlfriend.
* He has a good-looking male driver.
* He is a CAL-boy, or he's into Cologne, Alcohol, and Lotion.
* He spraYs his car with cologne.
* He has a ski mask or a surgical mask inside his car.

I don'T know about the ski mask, but that's relatively logical. However, even using this checklist, I believe that nothing beats the good old-fashioned gaydar instincts that only the people of green-blood can possess.

Just by staring at the celebrity's eyes, I can tell that he's a "nephtalina" (Moth balls, since they best kept in the closet).

Here's a collection of photos of popular Filipino male celebrities (ranging from actors, singers, to reality show contestants). Just by looking at their eyes, which of them Do you think is gay? Take Note, there could be more than one of them.





***************

DA MARUJA CODE

And if that's not Enough (and in anticipation of the upcoming showing--or banning--of The Da Vinci Code here in the Philippines), I came up with my own set of cryptograph hiDden in this post. The first one to solve the code and post it in the comments section gets his or her site to be featured in Maruja Recommends, which will run for four weeks.

You have to find all the green letters in this post and arrange them from firsT letter to the last letter to fill out the following blanks:

* ***** ** *** *** **** **** ****** ****** ** *** ***. ***** **.

Using this cryptograph, solve for my secret message. It's not really that difficult. Besides, it's fun.

Here's a key: A = Y.

(NOTE TO READERS WITH NON-BLOGGER SITES: If you're attempting to solve the code, leave your blog URL along wIth your answer in the comments section.)

Are you ready?

**************

THE EXORCISM OF MARUJA ROSE

In recent days, your dear empRess had been quite unstable.

I'd been heaRing things in my mind that I would die.

BecaUse of this, I'd become afraid that anything I might do would be a premonition. I became afraid of hugging my Dad, thinking that it would be my last. I became afraid of saying goodbye, instead replacing it with "See you later" or "I'll be back."

Last Thursday, while watching TV, those crazy thoughts escalated in to crazy whispers that I would die the day after.

And since I just wanted to released that pent-up craziness, I told my sister about it.

She told me that I'M probably possessed. Possessed by the evil spirit of Maruja.

So she took a fan and started tapping on my body as she began her faux trance chants.

"I call upon the spirit of Maruja. Leave the body of my brother Kris. I banish you, in Jesus name! In Jesus name!"

She asked Maruja if it's still in my body. I giggleD.

"Oh no! That evil spirit is still there," my sister exclaimed and started exorcising me again.

(Don't worry. I've consulted some officemates and I realized that tHe thoughts were fueled out of my own made-up fears. In other words, I worried too mUch.)

***************

MARUJA RADIO VER.4.0: THE FUTURE SOUNDS OF MANILA

Maybe this is the reason why I was so Calm while reading my blog review.

I've updated Maruja Radio featuring songs from the country's newest artists (well, most of them anyway). Collectively, I believe these are the sounds that will populate the music mainstream in the Coming daYs.

The genres are so diverse this time from Bossa Nova (Sitti), Reggae (Brownman Revival), Jazz (Kala), AcoUstic (U-Turn), and Indie (Up DharMa Down).

This playlisT also features the hottest musIcal acts like Spongecola, Urbandub, and Rachelle Ann Go.

So press "play" while reading through my blog and listen to the future sounds of Manila.

***************

BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP MY FOOTNOTES

1) Check out the neWest blog featUred in MaRuja Recommends. Bend It Like A Banana features the life of a Filipino living in Norway. His posts are mostly fUnny and over-all interesting, equipped with a new and improveD easy-to-navigate template. So clIck on the sCreencap located at the sidebar. Now nA!

2) I'm planning to observe the proceedings of the Fast TRack auditions of Philippine Idol this MondaY. I want to see the panDemonium slowly being created. No, I have no ambition of auditioning. I'm no William Hung, and I'm no Taylor Hicks either. I thinK I would become so fanatical to this show, likE the time I used to post a lot about thAt celeBrity search StarStrUck.

3) Will somebodY in GMA-7 tell reporter MiChael Fajatin that his on-cam bloopers have alreadY become internet fodder? And since we all want a good laUgh, Might as well watch this clip.





11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think your blog is great even though I was appalled by your entry against UP way way back cheering days.

Just keep writing. Filipinos are great bloggers. I'm glad I found a blogger who's also a Screenwriter. I want to become one myself.

Kudos!

Sun May 14, 03:56:00 AM GMT+8

 
Anonymous nao said...

wahahaha! aliw ako sa exorcism of Maruja!

Sun May 14, 09:58:00 AM GMT+8

 
Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

hello empress! does reporters have scripts ? lol. After coding NEilDCs blog empress. I will place that temporary template right away

Sun May 14, 07:23:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger empress maruja said...

ANONYMOUS -- Well, thanks. Just don't get angry once September runs again. I mean, sports la-ang.

NAO -- Kahit nga ako naaliw dun eh.

CHAS -- Don't worry. I'm not in a hurry

DA MARUJA CODE KEYS:

B = P
U = I

Mon May 15, 10:59:00 AM GMT+8

 
Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

empress! thanks for the plug in!

Mon May 15, 05:52:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger tenchu said...

Salamat pala sa pagbati!

by the way, ang hula kong PLU sa mga guys na yun eh si piolo and raymond. may iba pa ba dun?!

Mon May 15, 11:06:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger tenchu said...

Salamat pala sa pagbati!

by the way, ang hula kong PLU sa mga guys na yun eh si piolo and si raymond.

meron pa ba dun?

Mon May 15, 11:10:00 PM GMT+8

 
Anonymous yuri said...

natawa ko dun kay michael fajatin ha. nde ata sanay to go live! lol

btw, love the new template!

Tue May 16, 04:39:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger empress maruja said...

CHAS -- No prob! Thanks for the template, but my maruja radio doesn't seem to work. I tried fixing it, but being the html dum-dum that I am...

TENCHU -- I can actually identify four nephtalinas...taray no?

Tue May 16, 07:46:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger NeiLDC said...

really? your maruja radio is working fine here actually.

Tue May 16, 07:57:00 PM GMT+8

 
Blogger empress maruja said...

YURI -- siguro masyado lang siyang antok at...uh...tapos nagising bigla at...pero bago nun hindi siya kasi naghapunan...kaya...hindi si antok. Ano ba yan! hihi

NEIL DC -- Chas helped me fix it. It's working completely now.

Sun May 21, 02:09:00 PM GMT+8

 

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